untitled PoV
by akatsuki-kage
Summary: Kisame and Itachi have a complicated relationship to say the least. But something isn't right. Itachi's keeping secrets while trying to hide them. and Kisame doesn't know what to do. yet Deidara won't lose Kisame to Itachi without a fight.
1. Dear diary

**full summery!**

**Kisame and Itachi have a complicated relationship to say the least, But something isn't right. Itachi's keeping secrets while trying to hide them. Yet to make it worse Deidara wants to destroy what they have to get Kisame for himself. what will happen, will Itachi and Kisame sort this chaotic situation out? if so will it be a happy ending? or will things turn into Deidara's favour and gets what he wants? read to find out!**

**This is my first fanfiction! of course i had to write a yaoi one and one on KisaxIta one of my favourite pairings! i decided to base it in the first series of Naruto. and to write it in Kisame's point of view mainly because i can!. it's rated M for later chapters and because of Hidan's foul mouth :P and ALL the characters in this fanfiction belong to Masashi Kishimoto, i own none of them. i only own this fanfiction. however some events belong to Kishimoto because they are from his Naruto storyline.**

**warnings: sexual content, out of character behaviour, language (mostly Hidan but i bet you sore that coming), yaoi (malexmale love), character depression**

**Parnings: KisaIta, SasoDei, KisaDei, KazuHida (Kakuzu and Hidan) and traces of other parnings later, but i'll tell you that when the time comes :P hope you like it!**

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Dear diary,

This may be pathetic of me writing down my thoughts like a whining brat wishing my depression, would be erased by my pens flow of black ink, as my confusing storm clouds of emotions leak out onto the plain white canvas of lined paper. Yet I've slowly began to realize that I've fallen into a black abyss that there is no escape, no light, no air, I feel like I'm suffocating in darkness. Alone.

At first I thought I was just feeling a bit under the weather, a bit uneasy. But now I've truly become weakened. I haven't been in a fight, or on a mission, so I have no injuries; however my heart is bleeding with each beat, in my aching chest. I've lost all reason to eat and sleep? I haven't slept since my dreams became nightmares. I can't believe that I'm hurting this much over a simple thing. And yet the cause of all this suffering? The cause of this is... love... yes love! My feelings, my desires will always be an agonizing dose of unrequited feelings of love. The person who has stolen my heart, and cut it with cupid's arrow, the holder of my emotions is...

My pen fell down the half written on page, leaving a thin black line down the paper, as my attention was lifted away from the isolation my writing lead me into. "Hiya Kisa!" Deidara shouted with glee and happiness down my ear. "Hi Dei" I answered in a quiet monotone. "Kisa, have you seen Itachi today? The leader wants to talk to him about a mission for tomorrow" he asked when sitting down next to me. "Hey Kisa, what you writing?" Deidara questioned, with a complete curious look lite across his half covered face. "I...I haven't seen Itachi today, now if you'll excuse me, I want to be left alone" my pen fell to the floor as I stood slowly up. "Kisa, I'm sorry" the loud blonde's voice was at lot quieter and sounded like I upset him. "Sorry Dei, I'm just not in the mood, to be around people at the moment" with that I closed my book and left Deidara on his own.

The air was ice cold in my empty room, yet, somehow it felt comforting. Looking down at my unused bed, I dropped the symbol of the Akatsuki, my coat, on the floor and crawled under my sheets. The sound of someone returning home could be heard from under the cold cloth. however I didn't care who it was, as long as they left me alone, yet listening through the darkness Itachi's voice sounded out in my ears, not knowing what he was saying, but it didn't matter, as long as I heard his voice. All went silent quickly and my stomach now made me feel sick, as a tear fell from my blurred eyes. For it was Itachi who stole my heart and I suffer with the pain of loving him, all knowing that he'll never be mine. A sob escaped my throat as I thought of his pale skinned face, which is framed by his beautiful black hair. I bit back another sob as his angel like voice echoed in my ears. Grasping the soft cloth under me, I continued to sob until my tiredness toke over and I fell into more darkness, but this time the darkness of sleep.

I dreamt of Itachi again, I dreamt he was asleep next to me in a field of black roses, under the pale light of the white moon with a sky full of stars. But Itachi was the most beautiful sight. The light of the moon made his lovely skin look almost like white silk with black laces of hair covering his face a little. Pale pink was the colour of his smooth lips. He looked peaceful. I reached over to touch his silk skin but before I felt his soft looking cheek, the whole world turned white and I was back to reality.

Slowly I opened my eyes and still the cloth felt wet from my sobbing, the ice like fabric pressed against the skin of my face, making my cheek feel damp. I forced my limbs to move but they felt heavy as I pulled myself up, tearing the blanket away from me. The ice cold air hit my warm skin. "I wonder if I'll be any help to Itachi in his mission today?" I quietly questioned myself as the sun started to rise, appearing though my half covered window...

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that's it for the first chapter, sorry it's so short i'll try to make the following chapters longer, well chapter 2 is :P please review! Other wise I can't continue! THANKS FOR READING!


	2. shared feelings

**chapter two! it's only taken a whole YEAR to write but its up finally!**

**i don't own any of the characters in this fanfiction they all belong to MASASHI KISHIMOTO! **

**anyway on with the story! (please remember that it is my first fanfiction!)**

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The rain of ice, fit my face with fury as the blackened sky above me, poured it's frozen tears heavenly on the land below, where I stood unsheltered, weakened and full of shame. being soaked to the bone, it didn't matter, the hail felt like nothing. Compared to the never ending storm raging within me. Our mission was a failure, even though I thought it was pointless and a complete waste of time, we still...I failed, not we. all blame falls upon me, with my clouded thinking. that was the last thing I wanted, I didn't want to be a burden to him, I couldn't... I shouldn't be!. But I am. I just cause nothing but trouble for Itachi.

simple thing to do but very important...well in Pein's eyes I guess. obtain more detailed information on the nine tails brat. where he lives. Where he goes on a daily bases. where is most of his time spent. who his teacher is. Anything that could make a perfect opportunity capture him, now the third Hokage is dead it would be a lot easier. even if the one to thank is that snake bastard Orochimaru. dates to capture the fox spirit relied on this. Yet no information was obtained. If this didn't piss off Itachi in the slightest, the boss would surely be pissed off for the both of them and make heads roll or should I say...mine.

the wind grew colder, sending chills down my already numb shine. trees around me, creaked as the wind howled through them, cries from hungry wolves echoed loudly across the empty, suffocating darkness. which somehow pervades comfort to me. time stands still here, like a marble statue forever cursed to hold its pose. the sound of thunder, raging in the blackened skies is all that could be heard, lightening gracefully giving busts of daylight for a moment with an almighty clash. wanting to avoid a pissed of Pein for as long as possible, I decided to stay there. for how long is unknown. Itachi's face brought my thoughts back to life. I wanted to see him, to say I'm sorry...but he wouldn't want to see the empty shell of what's left of me. slowly, half needing to take more time then needed, I made my way back to a place I could never call home. back to the chains that bind me. back to Akatsuki.

Darkness greeted me small steps diminishing to a stop after the door closed. quiet, still, not moving. nothing could be heard. the peaceful sound of relieved breathing filled the numbness of my ears. alone in blackness, listening to they skies onslaught. which seemed endless. such a beautiful sound. so pure, so...ancient. yet compared to a certain raven haired teenager, sounded like nothing to me. something I wanted fell from the clouds above. rain. some people believe that rain is nature's way of joining heaven and earth, a force that helps spirits return to the clouds above forming a bridge to guide them. to others nothing but a pain in the arse, ruining plans. annoying bastards the lot of them.

falling water acts like a bridge, connecting the sky to earth. clouds to dirt. giving life to land. everyone knows that. even though it does piss me off to no end being stuck in it. but what if it could work in other ways?. what if in some parallel universe, that rain connected two hearts together instead? just like it does here with the sky and land?. but that's only a stupid fairytale, with a happy ending. happy endings don't happen. this is reality. rain. I guess I was starting to believe, though clouded memories that it was indeed a bridge, between two untouchable places, connecting them briefly, completely ruining their destinies to never be close.

I wished for rain, I begged for it, just like in a children's fairytale. something...anything that could create a bridge, from my fragile being, grounded on the land, to the fallen raven angel with crimson eyes, high above me, just like the sky. he, who held my life, my very being in his pale skinned palm. however, rain doesn't fall over a dessert, not even in a story. a bond, a bridge, between us can never be formed. forever will I be at a distance, standing with feet firmly planted to the dust and dirt, while he flies away, like a bird, which is forever free. kept away from me. kept away by an invisible sea of sand, which I'll never be able to overcome.

no-one was awake of those left in the building, relief swept over me swiftly. giving nothing but time to be thinking of a way to say I'm sorry, to my forbidden love. yet everything just felt like it had no feeling, just like me. I meant I'm sorry!...I'm sorry!...so sorry...remorse...regret...pitiful...damn it!... I felt it all!...to me in a confused state, saying I'm sorry just sounded nothing but words read from a book or a dictionary, with nothing behind them...emotionless...apologizing means nothing if no feelings are expressed! or that's what I think. yet not knowing why to believe that pile of rubbish. "what's the point!...I can't even convince myself" "convince yourself of what? Kisa?" Deidara's voice rang though the lightless ness. forcing me to be alert. turning around in the dimness of the hallway, he caught my eye. Dei stood there, puzzled, from what could be seen. in hand a torch, a crappy one at that. giving tiny amounts of light between his petite, almost feminine like figure and my towering, soaked to the bone body.

long dim fields of dull gold surrounded his face, hair all let lose, not a tiny strand out of place from what could be seen. his piecing blue orb, turned gentle without much light. even now such a beautiful, bright eye. almost mouldy yellow coloured fabric hung loosely over his frame. he always liked bright pyjamas. mostly those that matched his lovely locks. such natural beauty would make most women jealous. "nothing...Dei..dara...just talking to myself" pointing that out, trying to hide my stupid slip up. accidentally sounding embarrassed about it as well must of been a lucky bonus. "o...k...your a real weird one at times Kisa" "like your one to talk Dei" laughter escaped him with a smile. sweet and gentle. "ok, ok you got me on that one. I can be weird too, but I guess that's what makes us Akatsuki, bunch of misfits that can't get along no matter how hard anyone tries...hmmmm." mildly laughing this time.

"I...guess that's true. hadn't thought about it that way actually. anyway what are you doing up at this hour? do you know how late it is?" the happy, hyper, characteristic smile in front of me, faded completely. almost frightening frown taking its place. "I...was worried about you...I couldn't fall asleep even if I wanted to!...with you not being here I thought you'd be suck in the storm! And I was right look at yourself! a total wreck!. You should know better then to disappear without a single fucking word! Do you have any idea how worried I was?!" frowning I spat "fifthly words like that doesn't seem right coming out of your mouth, makes you seem ugly. Which is far from the truth. A pretty face like yours shouldn't be speaking disgusting words like that. Let Hidan do that, I couldn't careless if he's the one swearing" swiftly without warning, his tightly clenched fist planted a powerful, painful punch to my unguarded cheek. Vision blurred. Teeth chatted. Flesh becoming numb with agony. I staggered, spiting out crimson, iron tasting liquid that flowed from a new wound. Created somewhere from within, where though unknown.

"stupid arse-hole! You deserve that! And more! I thought I was your friend! But I guess I was wrong! Fine be like that! I don't need you!" the anger enraged voice echoed endlessly through unclear hearing. "Deidara...I...didn't mean...listen..." a mixed set of emotion broke though pissed off laughter."Listen?! You must be joking! I can't listen to someone who doesn't say anything! you don't talk to me anymore!...you've bottled your love for that bastard up so much that you forgot about everything else but him!...yeah I know what's wrong with you! Don't look so surprised, I read that book you were writing in yesterday...your dairy... forget it your not worth my time anymore. Be lucky I won't make some of my art with your name on it" tears ran down his face. Eye reddening. He is right, I became careless, forgetful. Only aware to what I wanted to see. Sadness strangled me again. I hurt some else who was dear to me. Deidara, my friend. My dear friend.

Walking away from this, he must of thought of leaving. Forgetting all about me and our friendship. That can't not be allowed to happen. I messed up big time. Chasing him down the hall I carelessly grabbed his hand, forcing him to stop and look at me. "Deidara! I'm sorry I..." "Too...late. It's to late for sorries now Kisame. You should of thought of me as well. But all you see is him and...Not me" a serious eye blazed brightly. Tears still flowing freely. "What are you saying?" "Idiot..." angrily stretching forward, petite fingers tightly grasped wet spikes of hair, placing his face inches away from mine. Blush burning fiercely under my skin. "...I'm saying I lost you to Itachi. I'm jealous of how much you feel for him. Desperately wishing it was me you liked that much...but that hasn't happened. That's why I'm angry. That's why I'm upset...I'm jealous of _him_." he whispered that so softly.

Now I understand. I'm such a fool. "but I except defeat and I hope that he'll love you the same as I do...I..." inches of distance closed, not realizing anything, his lips brushed against mine. "I know you love him but...I want you to kiss me...just...this...once...please..." voice breaking apart in sorrow. Sounding so desperate...I made all this happen. What kind of monster am I for causing all this? I love Itachi I shouldn't be getting this close to Deidara. My friend. Who...needs me...anything...if anything for Itachi...anything for...Deidara as well "...of cause my dear Deidara. Anything for you...my only true friend" uneasy smile formed close to my lips. Tears flowing down me as well.

"Thank...you...Kisame...thank...you" "shhhh. No more talking. Your mine for this moment. Don't let anymore tears of sadness flow from your beautiful eyes" this time I came closer, nervousness being pushed aside, as Itachi's face smiled in front of me, imaging Itachi in my arms and not Deidara. Gently pressing my lips on his. Arms rapping around the tiny figure of his frame. Deidara a friend, in my arms, like a lover almost. But he wasn't Itachi, desperately needing the uchiha. Something felt wrong. Yet something else felt like this is what was wanted by me along. He wanted the moment to last. Deep down I wanted that as well. Being bold, I traced his bottom lip with my tongue nervously. But he broke our skin embrace. "Kisa, I know your a bit scared. Close your eyes, and pretend I'm Itachi. I don't mind, if you do" spoken peacefully with a smile. How can he smile after saying that?!. Even conceding that would be unfair on my blonde artist. But he wouldn't know that's what I was trying to do. But failing as usual.

"Silly Dei, I'll be thinking about no-one else but you. This is our moment. Itachi will not ruin it for us. I promise you that" stroking, gliding my fingers through his lose, long hair he smiled. Together again our lips met. Yet nothing like before. We both became very passionate, nibbling gently at his bottom lip, wanting entrance, almost straight away. Which was given, parted just enough for my tongue to enter. Mine danced with his, searching every part inside his hungry damp mouth, almost lustfully. Nothing stopping us, until he broke the moment. More tears falling down his face. Moving his hand under my coat, gently pressing it against my chest "he's so lucky to have someone like you loving him so much. Yet he's to stupid to see it" he stepped back a little but still held in my arms. Fresh tears streaming down his face "thank...you...Kisame, this means a lot to Me." sadness swelling up in this voice. I smiled. A happy smile. A warm comforting one, something I hadn't shown in years. One just for my sweet friend.

"Anything...for you, from now on Deidara. I owe you that. I hurt you and I will be making it up to you. Anything you need. Anything you want. I'll make sure of it. No matter what you ask of me. that is a promise" "...thank you...now go get changed out of these wet clothes your going to get a cold if your not careful" one last peck I gave to him before leaving his arms. At that moment pain throbbed in my wounded flesh. Confusing the mind, thoughts lost. Eyes losing vision and focus, limps felt like iron. Body fell numb, hearing blurred balance lost. Clasped. Only one colour remaining. Nothing but endless black.

Blackness. Lightless ness. That's all that could be seen. Were my eyes open?. Closed?. I didn't know, nor does it matter. Limbs felt lifeless, couldn't move, confusing sounds ringing though numb ears. Unfamiliar voices. Trying to listen but what felt like pain ran like wild fire across me. Sweat flowed freely all over. Temperature rising. "...ame..." who? What? Where? Repeat that! Is someone calling out to someone else? "...Kis...ame..." distressed, they must be desperate to fine this person Kis...ame...Kis...ame...Kisame! Someone is calling me!...I think. But who can it be?. Also familiar. Quite familiar. I must know them well. Very well for them to be so emotional. "Wake up...kisame!" is that flowers? Yes, the scent of flowers. Sad...voice...crying...flowers...blonde hair?...Deidara?!...it has to be!.

"Deidara what happened?" emotionless. Quiet. Plain. Painful. Powerful. Seductive...almost. I remember them now. First one to come to mind so full of life. Bright and bubbly Deidara. Second one complete opposite of him would be Itachi. Dark, silent, piercing red eyes. Raven hair. "... I don't know he just fell over" crying. I'm troubling Deidara again...aren't I?...I'm sorry...light appeared, shining brightly. Slowly eyes began to creak open. "Kisa!" delighted Dei, leaped brings me in a tight, uneasy embrace, focus returning yet not swiftly. Turning the once black world, clear. Deidara in tears, all over me, smiling thankfully. Lighting up that pretty face. Behind the happy, relieved blonde. A frown sewn deeply across pale pink tinted lips. Growled crimson eyes, filled with anger, beautiful raven locks. Standing almost blankly...Itachi.

"Thank goodness Kisa! I was so worried when you suddenly collapsed like that!...honestly see what being out in a storm does to you? Idiot" half snorted by the mixed emotional artist. Warm fingers grasped my hand, Deidara lovingly held mine. "Kisa turns out you have a fever, so you must..." "Useless fool" interrupting rudely, Itachi's voice dominated the room. Two words that hurt more then the longest sentence of insults. Almost an Uchiha speciality. Or his anyway. So lovely to view like a flower, but deadly to be near, sudden death to those who touch. Just one of many ways to describe him. Yet not one of the good ways, if any did become words. Venom leaked from the words, hurting deeply, made worse by the fact he was right. As usual.

"Sorry, Itachi...I'll be more careful" with that, the legendry Uchiha prodigy left silently. Not a sound to be heard from his departure. "damn him!...damn that Uchiha!...always acting so high and mighty!...like he's better then everyone else!...stupid high class show-off arsehole!...lets see how high and mighty he'll be after I bow his smug smirk right off his face!...how in hell can you love a guy like him Kisa?!...he's...he's...damn he pisses me off!" laughter escaped me, seeing the artist getting so worked up, seems rather funny. "How can you be laughing at a time like this Kisa? Your sick and he just walks in here without a care in the world thinking he owns the place, insults you and leaves. Acting like he's your master or something!" hands joke fully rapped around my neck. Pressing his forehead against mine. Blush lighting up dully on both of our tried faces.

"I'm laughing because of you Dei, its quite funny seeing you getting all worked up over him, if it were possible steam would be coming out of your ears!" confusion lightened his mood. Or that seeing me feeling a bit better, either way is fine as long as he's happy. "Really? Well I'm glad I amuse you... in someway...hmmm" "...Deidara...I'm feeling tired some sleep should do me some good" I lied, just wanting to be alone was the only reason for asking him to leave. But to be completely honest, I don't want him to leave me on my own, isolated, depressed. Having him around somehow lifted my spirits. Yet somehow needing to be alone as well. So confusing. "sure Kisa, get plenty of rest, you'll need it to get better!" sunlight hair fell around my face, delicate lips placed a gentle lovingly yet held back lustful kiss on my dried up mouth. "Get well soon Kisame and...Forget about Itachi. It'll do a world of good for you..._I mean it_" was all he whispered before leaving me.

"Dei?..." peering back "yeah?..." blushing darkening my face I decided to be daring "your a very good kisser" glowing like a red light bulb he darted away. His kiss still felt strong and protective. But filled with anger. Yet still my heart skipped a weak beat. Deidara...is very beautiful, handsome, special...however he'll always be nothing but a very dear friend, maybe in some dream more then that. His hair as bright as sunlight, smelled like a wide field filled with summers flowers. Thank you my precious Deidara. Somehow you seem to be the only one who cares for me. Welcoming darkness made by falling eye lids, letting a cool embrace shallow me. I fell for once in quite some time, peacefully in the black, to sleep.

I awoke suddenly in a cold sweat, water beads running freely down clammy skin. Gentle breathing filled my ears. Painfully sitting up, finally noticing Deidara curled up cutely at my side. Quivering lips greeted warm skin, as I placed a good night kiss on his half covered cheek. "Rest easy Dei, I'm feeling much better now" I whispered softly, while slowly laying cold sheets over him, before leaving silently. Already he lost sleep because of me so waking him now would be even more unfair. He properly needed some sleep more then me. What to do now? Erm...kitchen, something to eat or drink would help on the road to recovery...I think. Weakly walking, slowly staggering, like legs forgot how to move and support the body.

At last the kitchen, yet lights lit. Someone is awake, praying not to be meet by those hollow blood red eyes. Hesitation boiled. Uncertainty reached suffocating levels, finger tips brushed the cold, steal handle, and conflict rampaged within. pressure pushed open the barricade open, making blinding light spill everywhere in the hallway, limps felt traitorous moving against my hearts desire not to be met by Itachi. Yet deep crimson pools drowned me in their sight, hair darker then ravens wings framed the pale stone like face, which I couldn't set my semiconscious orbs upon. A glare I'm sure would kill most men. Eyes like an eagle watching every single, tiny, little detail which was made, both willingly and not.

"Good evening...Itachi" throat so dry, words became harsh sounding, saying his name with great rudeness like it was meant to be an insult. "Yes. I suppose" poison dipped from his deathly voice, sounding like he wanted me dead for the ill treatment I unintended upon his almost damned name. Finally after no-one knows how long, he moved swiftly past my frozen form. "Good night Itachi" breathe stopped in my lungs, much needed beating organ appeared frozen. Has he done something? Is he mad at me for the failed mission? Footsteps echoed proudly towards the only exit from this tormenting situation somehow I found myself deeply stuck in. he's leaving, great! Time to get some breathing pattern back, yet I wanted him to stay slightly, to prove Deidara wrong!.

"Wait..." turning around his glare seemed to suffocate the space between us. We waited. Watching, wondering, and taking in every movement the statue like person in front of the other made. Full of anxiety in case an attack was brought forward. In the end, he broke the agonizing silence. "What is it Kisame?" pure but deathly seductive words flowed from his mouth. Such a beautiful poison. So addictive. In my half working at the moment eyes, an angel fallen, striped of his pitch black wings stood before me, time to act is now.

Holding tightly onto every tiny bit of courage I had, the distance began to close, closer and closer somehow I wearingly stepped. Wondering if this is my death, right here by his hand or whatever he'd kill me with. Breathing became frail, I stopped staring. a hand gently placing its self under that white ivory chin, his skin making silk feel like roughly woven wool, "...what ...are you-" pulling the beautiful face towards me, confused crimson eyes faded to deep pitch black pools, gentle uneven breathing lightly brushed against my skin, while pale cotton coloured cheeks turn pink. Eyes closing I placed a soft kiss upon those forbidden lips, his skin so much softer then I ever imaged, tasting of vanilla.

yet quivering he pulled unwillingly away, rapping arms around that small frame of a body, face on fire with blood red blush, still those black pools staring at me, but a tiny hint of innocents glowed through, something he'd never shown to anyone, looking lonely and hopeless. I noticed with my smile fastly fading, that his little form was shaking uncontrollably "...Kis...Kisa...Kisame...I..." all that power from that pride filled tone of a voice, gone. My heart stopped cold. Paining every cell of me, seeing the object of my desires destroyed. "...Itachi..." "...away..." "Away what Itachi? your acting very strange" "...away...away...stay...away" stepping closer, but he stepped back twice.

"...stay...away...stay away from me Kisame!" he bellowed turning clumsily towards the only escape route, grasping the handle with breakable force. "wait you need to calm down Itachi, just calm-" "I waited last time, wondering what you wanted to say, not again, not again just stay away from me!" shouting emotionally, so painful to hear, so out of character, unmatched power, smashed an opening, desperate to get away, swiftly running into freedom of the darkness, with distance finally obtained his frantic footsteps quickly grew fainter and fainter until silence rang out. wood remains lay at my feet, such emotion, desperation, never had he acted in such an unpredictable fashion, his expressions, voice actions all replayed over and over and over again, one thing replaced all of that, the single thought of...'what have I done?'.

"Oh shit! Pein's pissed! Great he's gonna give us his pissy mood...who ever made him mad is a fucking idiot...I'll have to give the prick a lesson, unless Pein beats me to the bastard" "stop swearing Hidan, it's a disgusting habit and to answer your question if it was a question. is that someone broke the kitchen door last night, that's why he's angry and I share his feeling, who ever did it must pay for it, I'm not going to" "really Kakazu? Ha! The bastard who did that's gonna get his fucking head ripped off! I've got to see that!, but now that I think about it, I wonder who the unlucky prick is?" Kakazu and his foul mouthed 'friend' Hidan, past my open door, not exactly quietly as normal, but for once it came in handy, Pein is in a really bad mood! Because of that door! I have to get to the meeting before Itachi does or says anything!.

That's if he's ok, he better be, I'm at fault for breaking the door mostly, yet that's if I can get there before him, stupid body, what I time to be sick! Ok that was my fault for that...what am I mumbling about at a time like this! Forcing numb limbs to move, almost falling, I throw myself through my door, slamming into the pale painted wall opposite "hey Kisame! Be more careful! but since your up, Pein's holding a meeting in about five minutes" "yeah, don't want to make him more pissed then he all ready is!" giving a evil stare at Hidan, Kakazu continues on his way, while the taller of the two's back is turned, the white haired priest flings his arms in the air then follows "what the fuck was that look for Kakazu?!...hey Kakazu! Answer me!... your an inconsiderate prick! Kazaku you know that!" after they left my spinning sight I dizzily caught up to them expecting the absolute worst.

"Right you bastards! Who broke the door?!" Pein shouted jerking a finger at the ruined wood and its falling off frame. Across the room I tried to catch Itachi's eyes but they looked downwards almost in a guilty kind of way. Almost in an, I have to get of if here now, kind of way. Knowing the boss, he's punch anyone who broke anything except Konan, if she broke something he'd punch the unlucky person who's closest. everyone remained silent, not wanting to have those piecing spiral eyes land on them, Deidara shared at me, like he knew it was Itachi and knew what I was about to do, throw myself in the firing line, instead of the raven haired teen. standing up, legs growling in protest of holding my weight again I held my head high.

"I broke the door" the blondes reaction glinting in the corner of my sight, but choosing ignoring it I continued the fake truth "I fell through it trying to get some painkillers I had a headache at the time" on the other side of the room Itachi's eyes glanced at me quickly, but just long enough to show complete surprise and what looked like a thank you, striding towards me Pein stops in front "why should I believe a story like that?! I heard voices at that time. you were talking to someone last night!" he voice seemed to echo around the room powerfully, and me being completely lost for words, knowing an answer wasn't coming out, the orange top raised a fist and slams it deep into my unguarded chest, quickly knocking all wind out of my unprotected lungs, gasping for air I fell on the floor, grasping the shivering rips under the bruising skin. dancing orange dots flashed across the room "I was talking with him last night, and he did have a headache, I heard the crash then quickly ran to see what happened, he was lying on the floor with the broken door all round him".

franticly looking to see who finished the tale, Deidara stood and smiled at me, then stared back determined at the boss "that true Kisame?" finding the air to answer back, I squeaked "...yes...it...is...Pein" with a sigh he closed his eyes "get a new one by tomorrow Kisame, right you lot clear out meeting is over! get out of my sight!" the mumbling messes files out the room, the last to leave was Itachi, with one quick glance back then left, Deidara stayed, helping me to my feet once breathing was easy again but not fully back "why Kisame? Why did you do something so stupid?" lowering his voice "did you really break that door? Or did you lie about it for someone else?" "I broke the door like I said, I will get it replaced by tomorrow even if I have to crawl to get the job done".

with a smile I kisses his brow, "thank you Dei, I really mean it, I'll buy you something nice tomorrow as well just to say that extra thanks, I really owe you one" that signature smile brightened his face, highlighting that soft blue orb "you don't have to do that Kisa, but would you like me to help you back to your room?" "if you don't mind Dei, I really think I need the help" pulling my arm over his shoulders, he placed his arm around my waist, slowly we made our way back to my door, then through it "Dei that's enough I can make the rest of the way" letting go, his face turned hard "Itachi broke the door didn't he and he made you say that you broke it instead, didn't he?" looking away I held my breath, thinking of a way to best say no "I broke the door, Itachi was talking with me at that was it Deidara, after he left I got dizzily and fell though the door" taking my hand in his "ok I believe you Kisa" planting a kiss on it, with that he left.

"Kisa! Oh sorry I didn't realize you were reading, what's that book about? Are you ok? You seem a little bit pale?" Deidara popped up out of nowhere almost shouting to get my attention, "be quiet Deidara you pain in the arse, Kisame needs his rest after all" Sasori appeared slowly, with a face blank, dull red hair standing up in his messy mop end like style "yes, your right master Sasori! I'm sorry Kisa!" "Hey Dei, hello Sasori" the red head nodded, hardly paying any notice of me "kisa! kisa! I've got to go! the boss has ordered everyone out!...except you and Uchiha have to stay, well I have to go, take care! well bye-bye!" leaping like a spring Dei ran to the waiting red head "lets go!" they leave quietly, but then the reality hits home, being left alone with _him_ of all people, but I guess that it'll make it easier to talk to him and hopefully say sorry.

"oh yeah, be extra careful around Itachi, he looks different somehow like he'd bite your head off if your not careful, anyway I'll be back as soon as I can!" footsteps echoed, quick happy ones mixed in with slow almost can't be bothered ones. everything became silent, peace at least! maybe now I can get some sleep, having lost nearly of it last night from worrying about my black haired teen. sometimes I thought it would of been best if I never fell for him, in the first place. but on the other hand it hurts to think about it like that as well for I'm so happy being around him. even if it was only and hour or two, a nap would be great. birds singing filled the warm, glowing red room as sun began to rise, tired, dry eyes grew dark peace at least.

waking up fully rested something that I've not felt in a long time, eyes flicking open seeing nothing but crimson red and endless black. Itachi glared at the half covered window like trying to see through it, orbs looking soft. face pale. almost worried. "Deidara told me to give you this, he was in a rush before leaving and didn't want to disturb you again" "thank you" smiling, while rising up from the comfort "well I better be going" something felt un-natural in the air, didn't seem quite right, full of some sort of tension, he left a box in the window "Itachi can we talk?, there's something that's been-" "there's nothing to talk about, so drop it!" pissed poison words flowed like water as he rudely cut me off, strolling almost out the door, looking very defensive but also a hint of pain in those crimson gems, too much unlike him, I have to find out what's wrong and I have to do it now!.

"that's it!" losing all sense of everything, angrily lashing out, gripping his tiny wrist within my iron grip, almost dragging him effortlessly back inside and across the room like pulling a small child, overwhelming him aggressively, slamming his back against the cooling off messy sheets, before quickly pinning both petite hands high above his shocked, expression, causing as much pain as possible in those captured wrists, unpleasant groans escaping from his parted lips, kneeling over him beyond controlling, feeling all the power swelling deep within myself. then realizing his thin beautiful thighs lie motionlessly between my firmly planted knees, all sense of control lost.

"listen to me Itachi!, I want to talk about it, even if you don't!...I kissed you last night...I held you last night...because...I...I love you!, I can't stop thinking about you!, your eyes, your smile, everything!...please...listen...to me! I can't...take it...anymore...it hurts to much!...I want you...I need you!...if I'm nothing to you...I want you...to kill me!...please...I...just can't...take it anymore!...I can't take it..." tears flooded my eyes, falling, crashing on his skin. "Kisame..." he sighed "let me go" "I don't want you to run this time!" I stated emotionally, words beginning to swell up deep within my throat "I will not run" looking up, calmly, controlled, determined. slowly releasing his hands, he reached up pulling me down, placing my body on his.

raven hair smelling gently of mint. faces next to each other. cheeks slightly brushing together "...I...love you...too Kisame...for quite sometime now...I didn't say anything because I thought you were dating Deidara...about last night...I ran, purely because of shock...I began to think you'd never see me the same way as I do of you, when you became so close I couldn't believe it...I didn't know what to do...so I ran..." his voice was breaking but so deathly quiet, so needing, hands gripping my coat tightly across the lower back "I'm so...sorry...I should of noticed sooner...it would have saved you from some pain you must of felt because I couldn't see something right in front of me" tears fell from those shinning black pools...no sharingan...for the first time no evil crimson...just two...beautiful onyx eyes. pink tints highlighted his ivory skin.

"what? your staring at me, its kind of embarrassing Kisame" "sorry...its just I never imaged what your eyes would be like without your sharingan...now I see it...I'm lost for words...you truly are the most beautiful person I've ever seen, also I must be embarrassing you...your blushing" glowing brighter, he looked away "shut up" Itachi said, almost pouting like a little child, I smiled, looking closer at his detail, in closeness I never thought would ever be possible. his hair fell to the pillow, no longer framing that angelic face. under those soft looking pinkie lips, beneath that gently curved chin, stretched pure pale muscle, strong neck muscles, being pulled slightly to the side, flowing powerfully to his lean chest and strong shoulders, just begging to be touched.

"what are you - ahhh" such a sweet sound escaped his mouth while I nipped the skin in that dip where the neck meets the shoulders. "don't do that!" biting harder, really digging teeth into the flesh but not to course any pain, sucking gently when ever the urge made it happen, demanding more sound, which he gave willingly, "stop...before you leave a mark!" with all self-control available, finally releasing the muscle, revealing a few tiny red spots in the centre of light purple teeth marks "oops" "what do you mean oops?" I grinned "too late" he started blankly "get off me pervert" laughing lightly I complied, taking a new place sitting next to him, glancing down at his frame.

"doesn't matter really, but don't tell anyone about it, or I'll knock your teeth out" he pulled himself up, wiping that spot "of course" crimson flooded those black shinning jewels "come on I've got something that needs to be taken care of" swinging his legs over the bed "also no-one is to find out about this little thing between us either" "like I'd tell anyone about that" "humph that better be the case, come on I don't have all day" getting up, Itachi stretched, pulling his Akatsuki-coat back into place, sitting perfectly across his strong shoulders. sighing he walked to the half open door, glancing back and pointing lazily towards the stand in the corner near the window, where Samahade is kept when not needed.

"bring that, we might need it" "I'm not sure if I can use it properly at the moment Itachi" smirking evilly, he licked his lips almost seductively "give it a try and I'll give you a _special _reward, when we come back" sliding the strap over my shoulders making sure its in place, before slinging Samahade over, setting it in evenly across my back, the weight felling a lot more then normal -don't let me down Samahade, I have to impress Itachi, I have to show I'm I can be useful even when I fell like shit -. "ready?" "ready as I'll ever be Itachi" -I hope - slowly taking my place beside the Uchiha "then lets go" "I won't let you down Itachi" "I know" he whispered before heading to the entrance of the headquarters, eagerly following, ready to face anything that would dare face us.

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**thats it! end of chapter two! not much of a cliffhanger which I think is a good thing but I'm not sure . I hope it was worth the wait! chapter 3 will be out soon, I've got half of it writen down already! :D**

**I've updated this chapter, by making sure the spelling was sorted out and shorting those paragraphs out which I think looks a lot better! thank you _black55widow_ and _see1like _for pointing out the horrible paragraph lenghs! :P hopefully it's all better now! :D**

**I'm thinking about re-naming this fanfition, what do you think?**


	3. in time i'll tell you

**WOW! i can't believe there is 3 chapters! i never thought this story would go that far to be honest. But here it is! chapter 3! enjoy! hope it was worth the wait!**

**all the characters in this fanfiction belong to KISHIMOTO! i own none of them!. **

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"What a dump...I was expecting something more...slightly at least, look at all that damage! I'd say they barely beat that bastard Orochimaru!" "What a pity, I'm ashamed to have been raised in this place. Such a powerful village left in ruin. It's beyond pathetic". Staring out at the living, yet half dead remains of a once mighty hidden village of the leaves. The icy wind passing us without a care, but it carried an eerie feeling. Itachi seemed very edgy getting tenser with every passing minute; he didn't want to return here, but having been raised in the same place as that nine-tails brat, he was the obvious choice. "You sound almost sad seeing it like this" "no....never...let's go...we can't keep the jinchuuriki waiting" "right or the boss for that matter"

After we left the base, Itachi explained the mission at hand. Capture the nine-tail fox demon. failure is not allowed. Our lives probably depended on this. now was the perfect time, the place or what's left of it would be in chaos, desperately trying to find the next Hokage while also keeping it a secret, they didn't want other villages to attack them now. not now. not when they can't defend themselves. No-one would notice if some-one just disappeared without a trace. no-one would care if one unwanted person just went away. they way I see it, we'd be doing them a favour, getting rid of a stupid mistake made in incompetent ignorance. Jinchuuriki's are meant to be hated, meant to be loathed, meant to be...forgotten.

We failed, unexpected events happened which were beyond our control. we lost the Jinchuuriki but I gained valued information. Itachi has a little brother, someone who somehow stayed alive though the slaughter four years ago. but questions began to come into light, he has a little brother, a _living_ brother, why is he alive in the first place!. why was he spared?, he can't be that special. He's not strong, he's not talented. Or smart. To be honest he lacked common since. However something kept him alive and it wasn't Itachi. No. Not him. He's heartless. but what?. Thinking back, the boy looked a lot like his older sibling. Maybe, a little bit too much.

The same milky skin, except the brat was paler, surprisingly. Being a shade quite close, to that of ghost white. The same midnight black hair and how it fell over that almost feminine face, framing it perfectly, although he did have short spiky hair instead of that long black Itachi had. Glowing onyx eyes, a voice of almost pure anger and hatred with determined. Even though it was a quick glance he had that same self-absorbed demeanour, Itachi held around himself, having a look of knowing he can't be destroyed. or at least thinking he can't. Yet that Sasuke had something more than his brother, something much more. if a word had to be picked it would be intense. if comparing the Uchiha siblings, the outcome would be Itachi's quite like black and grey, easily blends in the background and the boy would be black and white, vibrant, sticks out. easy to be seen. Everything about the younger one radiated strong, intense feelings, almost to a sexy level...almost.

"Here you go Itachi, be careful it's just be made" shakily taking the drink from me, his blank eyes held half closed didn't flicker while reserving the gift. They looked plain, more dull then I ever thought possible. Even a endless blackened void contained more life the those dead holes. Yet as time passed, he didn't rise the cup to his lips, just holding it between his hands, like trying to keep warm, or not realizing that something was grasped in those thin bony looking fingers. Time past, yet he just sat there staring blankly at the rising steam with half open, dead onyx orbs. Itachi hadn't spoken since we left in such a hurry away from the nine tails, being chased away by that perverted old bastard and his pathetic jutsu. how...embarrassing.

The sun had long since set, a moon and many stars our only light, other than the dwindling fire, trying to keep us warm and just like us on a mission, failing at it. "Are you....alright Itachi?" - That was stupid; of course he's not alright! next time think before you speak! – Thanks that helped stupid self thoughts. Silence. He is a quiet person normally, a man of very few words, but even _he_ talks! That growing familiar feeling of sorrow seeping itself deep again, grapping everywhere it's cold, painful claws could reach within me. Crackling from the fire was all that could be heard. yet still he didn't move. a blink here and there but other than that...nothing.

Even his eyes became so empty; it seemed the whole world could fit within them. I have to do something. "Itachi...are you...I mean....your being very quiet, It's not like you. I'm really worried" finally he became unstuck in that frozen pose, placing the probably gone cold cup down closer to the heat, pulling those shaky looking knees deep into that almost wheezing chest. rapping thin, twiggy arms tightly around thin shins, finally a motive revealed, burying his ghost kissed coloured face from view. Those legs acting as a barrier, keeping everything, including me at a distance.

"...I'm...Kisame, I...don't know what you want me to say" immense sorrow leaked from him. pure depressive misery. his voice broke on every word, losing all of that monotonous power. what's happened to him? "...Itachi..." something is causing a lot of agony, but what?. It can't be that brat Sasuke. Itachi stopped caring years ago. that's if he's ever cared at all...right?...wait, it did take him awhile to give in to the brats demands for a fight...but what if he does still care?...no...no. It's impossible. He murdered his whole clan!...except his little brother. If...I mean a really big if....he still cared Itachi would of gone insane years ago. or wouldn't be an S rank criminal. an Akatsuki. no. he doesn't care. Itachi has no emotions. he's almost as hollow as...his saddened eyes. something is plaguing him...if I only knew what.

Glancing back, shimmering from the rising heat of the almost dead fire, Itachi glared painfully towards something. as if he sore someone standing there or glancing right through them, holding that hurtful look only a few moments, whispering silent two words, before covering those lonely eyes back up, again hiding from the world once more. "...Itachi..." sighing, while pulling off the cloak of midnight black and blooded crimson red. - I have to let him know I'm here, always here, being bold worked last time. it'll work now...hopefully. Pacing around that minimizing blaze, stopping behind his ridged features. Waiting a moment, to see if a reaction was made. nothing happened. Crouching low, dropping the thick cloth over those legs, making sure only his pitch black sea of hair could be seen.

"you're really cold! drink your tea, it'll warm you up. I don't want you to get sick" "...why?...why are you doing this?" his voice seemed to flow with emotion, pain, hared, suffering, nothing like his normal, pride filled, yet kind of plain monotone. "why?...because-" finally sitting down, placing each leg on either side of his shaking frame, then pulling him back gently, forcing that strong muscled back rest against my chest.

"because I love you Itachi, I'll do anything for you" "I'm not worth loving, Kisame...I'll only destroy everything about you in the end...looking at my...history, it appears it's the only thing I'm good at when other people are included" tiredness, taking over this sound, it appeared he really needs sleep. "that isn't set in stone now is it?" feeling movement from him, glancing over that bitten shoulder, seeing that at least he began sipping at the less steamy drink. "you make some nice tea, Kisame" that Uchiha strength began to return to him. slowly but surely. "Not really, tastes alright, so I guess its drinkable". after a while, he'd finished downing his tea, placing the unwanted container back on the ground, Itachi settled into me again.

"in time...I'll tell you, Kisame...yet...will you wait till then?" finally that beautifully, powerful voice returned, even though it was quieter than normal. but at least he's ok. Smiling, holding him closer, but not knowing what he truly meant "of course. but for now I think it's best if you sleep. stay here if you want" "...alright...thanks...you...pervert" my laughing slightly brought a smile to his tired eyes. "maybe your right...yet no-one would blame me, everyone knows that Itachi Uchiha is beyond gorgeous and hopefully all mine"

Four hours spent doing absolutely nothing, but leaning against a tree, having rough bark press painfully into my spine while, watching the Uchiha sleep peacefully, held tightly within my arms. gentle shallow breathing, being the only movement made by that prince like person. every moment was perfect, yet it must end, we stayed here, in the same place for far too long. being expected soon, nine tails in hand, yet...that didn't quite go to plan...again!. "wake up, Itachi, we best get moving" he began to respond, trying to wriggle closer to me, but also attempting to get away from a nudging, rudely poking his side, disturbing his rest. "...leave me alone...Sasuke...I'm trying to sleep...go train by yourself!"...Sasuke?...so that little brat is causing problems even now...but why?!..."Itachi wake up...I'm not your little brother"

The black hair, shaking slightly as his head raised slowly from it's not so soft pillow. "...Ki...Kisame...where's-" clamping shut, that jaw rudely cutting himself off. knowing that reality hit. Itachi wasn't sleeping peacefully in bed, His little brother trying to get him up to train, while parents slept soundly down the hall...no that had long since past...He ended that part of his life...no...Itachi was with me, resting on uncomfortable covered roots, in the middle of no-where. "...Kisame..."

What hurt the most, more then all that sadness in those eyes, more than that self pitying, sorrowing voice, was the helplessness I felt. Itachi looked like he needed me, needing my comfort yet I felt like there was nothing I could do to kill his pain. "sorry to wake you, but...we have to get back" "...yeah...alright..." shifting around, weak inky black eyes stared deeply into my pale yellow orbs. "It's payback time Kisame" payback time...what is he planning?...payback for wha- !

Shifting limps caught needed attention as thin, but strong legs brushed the sides of my hips, placing his pelvis against mine. warmth could be felt, as pressure was added slowly by the advancing Uchiha. Drawing confused leg limps in, keeping this...him in place. or comfortable. He...I...we...became very...intimate...much too quickly...Itachi opened himself to me... while...I lay between his...him. "...purple...I should of known you'd blush that colour" slick with what could be called...lustful...emotion, his words kissed skin under my half open jaw.

"What are you-" "shhh, please...don't talk...I got branded 'yours'...now it's time you got branded 'mine' " teeth nipped at skin and muscle, gently but held back a passion that wanted to be unleashed, or at least one that was difficult to keep under control. a thick, wet, tip brushing itself against my skin, wanting to taste everything in that small space, held in that mouth, more being pulled into it. "...ahhh...stop it...I'm...your...getting me..." sweet, almost silent laughter escaped him, with words mumbled through clenched teeth "...hard...I can...feel it" more pressure being added, in the flesh, almost wanting to wound my neck roughly, forcing groans of pain to leak out.

"...that...hurts..." he stopped. after a moment, my hurting flesh was released. "now...we're even..." "...what's...gotten into you?..." hazy eyes, blankly stared, yet like a fog clearing, shock explodes across this face, before staggering off me "...forgive...me...I was...am...had...have...I...can't tell...you yet...except...that kind of behaviour...I...you must not know the truth yet!" "truth? what truth?" suddenly that cold, emotionless demeanour settled over those black clothed features again. tense muscles half relaxed, collecting that proud Uchiha appearance. yet holding that dangerous criminal presence required by that coat sitting squarely on his shoulders.

Sharingan eyes, blazed into my soul, weakening every part of it like a deadly plague. demanding complete surrender "Don't ever ask me that again. or else I'll have to kill you before _he_ does.....now no more of this nonsense, they're waiting for us" "...I understand...forgive me...Itachi..." those icy orbs closed leaving me half numb, feeling almost...if it's possible...half dead. Why does he stare like that? does it create a sense of power seeing people squirm under that suffocating invisible vice? either way it shows that he doesn't have any human decency...if any every existed at all, has yet to be questioned.

The days after we returned, Itachi stayed completely away from me, away from everything and everyone. Keeping himself behind a locked door. Leader's reaction to our failure was unexpected, He didn't mind losing the nine-tails...this time. Yet he wasn't pleased with the fact, I went as well. Being told that Itachi was meant to go on his own, leaving me behind like a useless weapon. Deidara couldn't believe it either, If the blonde got his way half the building, if not all of it would of been blown to ashes. yet somehow Sasori stopped that from happening. And that door I forgot to replace had been sorted out by Kakuzu, however he wanted double the amount paid, half of it went to him as payment for his trouble. damn that money hungry bastard.

Deidara became the only company for me, everyone else seemed to either ignore me or send evil looks, like I picked up a disease or something. yet none of that mattered, all I could think about was Itachi, why he acted that way, why he was depressed after seeing his little brother Sasuke, what was the truth he talked about, who was this _he_ person, who'd kill me, if Itachi didn't end my life before hand, none of it made sense. Dei wasn't helping either. He kept on his flirting, yet taking things way too far, wanting things, almost demanding me to take him, use him, fuck him...he was frustrated and wanted me end it. however I never imaged that Deidara was a...slut...well that was what he was acting like anyway.

Dei wanted me to forget about everything other than him and saying that I'm worrying too much, try to relax...relax...yeah right, like that's ever gonna happen with Itachi saying he loves me then turns around and says he'd kill me if I ask 'what's the truth' again. "Kisa darling...are you alright?" "I said stop calling me that, Dei and no. I'm not alright" "you're gonna kill yourself from stress Kisa!...how about you take your anger out on me?" thin, fingers grasp my hair, forcefully pulling into a kiss, but just managing to turn away before contact was made.

"I will not have sex with you Deidara. So please get out. I want to alone" "you will one day...I will not lose you to Uchiha...in the end you'll fuck me and...you'll enjoy it Kisame...and want...need...me...more" letting go, that glistening blue sapphire eye gleamed intently yet full of rage. Before leaving the room. What am I going to do with him?! he just won't take no for an answer!. This must be sorted out and quick. But once he's calmed down, no-one likes getting blown up...well other than him that is.

After a few hours, time was right to talk to Deidara. Time spent trying to think of something to say, yet making it up as I go along seemed like the only option. I did mean what I said. It's about time he realized I'll never see him like that. Turning a corner, heading towards the blonde's room. but fate decided to put my plans on hold.

Standing in the corridor, opposite my raven's room. Itachi held Deidara against the wall, hands firmly gripped around the blonde's throat. "...how...could...Kisa...love you...Uchiha...your heartless...and don't...care...if things...continue...the leader...will...". Painfully Dei gasped, yet that caused hands to grip harder. "All you want is to use Kisame. You're nothing but a whore" "look...who's-" confused haziness washed over that hollow sapphire. Blue gathering across parted lips...he's dying...but I can't do anything about it. Itachi's stronger then I am...Deidara...sorry.

"I'm going to strangle - every - last - bit - of - air -out of your lungs. Watching contently as you die...Kisame won't miss you, Deidara...he has me and that's all that matters. Nothing will happen to him. I'll make sure of that, so pass on taking that secret to your grave" Itachi's words were death itself. those eyes of crimson gleamed calmly, keeping that almost abnormal stare. he may hate me, for it but I have to stop this! "Itachi! you must stop now!" gripping those thin wrists, with enough force to break them if necessary, tearing my raven off Dei. laboured gasping escaped as weak, heavy legs collapsed. causing the artist to heave on the floor, desperately trying to refill oxygen into his starved lungs.

a raven, landed his head into my chest, burying that face from view. "what happened? why were you trying to kill Dei?" sad, black liquid eyes, settled, looking deeply, like only I existed in the world. "tell me later" leaning down, placing a comforting kiss on milky white skin, bring that body into a quick embrace "wait for me in your room, Itachi. I'll be there in a minute". he left slowly, gently closing his barricade. a soft click conforming the Uchiha's departure. "you alright Dei?" "...kind...of...thanks..." "I'll take you to Sasori"

Kneeling down, then gently picking up the artist easily, making sure not to affect his bad breathing anymore. "...you know...there's something about...Uchiha that doesn't add up...right?" "yeah, I realized it a few days ago. Itachi's hiding something serious. but he can keep it to himself. I don't want to know" "I'll tell you...it's something that you must be told...before it's too late" "no...don't...I already know if I ask questions it'll get me killed. and if you told me, you could as well. so no. keep it to yourself. I don't want you to get hurt Dei...or worse"

Walking down the corridor, we remained silent, expect a harsh rasping sound that Deidara's lungs made when air was drawn in and released again. thick, blackening began clouding his skin "for...give...me Kisame...I just...hate seeing you in pain..."looks like he tried to break that neck of yours" "...no...I would...of...died...to quickly...he likes...killing slowly...causes...more...pain...he's a monster" "...maybe...your right" Sasori turned a corner, almost knocking, Dei out of my hands. "Watch...what happened?" "He'll explain. I'm going to get the other side of the story. look after him, for me please Sasori" placing Dei maybe a bit to quickly on the floor, without another word, running back to a confused black raven.

Those eyes, that glance. a stare of a small child...Itachi...that wasn't him...that wasn't my...that wasn't the lonely, depressed little boy I watched grow into a complicated, young man...that wasn't the same man I finally fell for...that wasn't...that couldn't be my...No!...that wasn't my Itachi!...I'll save you...from whatever has happened...I'll add light to your hidden darkness...I'll take away that pain I know is in your eyes!...you'll never been alone...never again!...wait for me...Itachi!...I'll close that gap...I'll build that bridge...anything!...just to be with you...just to see you smile!.

Pushing open the smooth oak door, blackness filled his room..._thud_..."Itachi!...are you alright?"..._thud..._"Itachi? Are you in here?"..._thud..._arms flung themselves around me, clinging tightly, while a face burying itself deeply into a sighing lower chest, "you had me worried, for a second I thought you left" "...sorry...Kisame..." my Uchiha's voice seemed to choke up every word spoken. "...I didn't mean to...he...said such..." "it's alright...calm down" "I want to kill him, it'd make all our lives better" "...yeah well maybe it would but that's something that should be only thought about. Otherwise you'll have the boss and Sasori to deal with" an half awkward silence settled over us. I wanted to ask some questions but, the situation being how it is, didn't seem like the best idea on the planet.

"I wasn't meant to go to Konoha with you, was I?" "...no...you.....weren't...I was meant to go on my own...however I brought you along anyway, which meant going against the leaders direct orders" what?, have I become that useless?! "Why?!...what have I done to deserve that kind of treatment?!" hands freed themselves from the cloth, stepping back, bleeding eyes met my sight "useless...in everyone's eyes you've become useless...beyond useless!...all our recent failures have been blamed on you!...in fact, you're lucky no-one's killed you yet!...the only reason you're not lying dead in a pit somewhere is because of that blonde bastard begged them not to hurt you...he begged on his knees without any pride as a man at all...it's sickening"

Standing straighter, strongly returning his death glance, but feeling like a child could push me over. Yet Itachi's stone like face softened, replacing violent crimson that gentle black washed over his eyes. a thousand years in chains couldn't hurt as much as those words, repeating across my mind..._useless...lucky no-one's killed you...Deidara begging on his knees...without any pride as a man...it's sickening..._

Soft lips touched mine; pulling attention from the hurtful endless echo, as trembling hands toyed teasingly with the cloth, loosely dropping down my spine. Pulling away slightly, warm breathe replaced the kiss, ghosting over nearby skin, holding onto that gone by touch. "forgive me...I didn't mean to say that...the thought of how they treated you...just makes me so angry...I decided we'd go to..._that place_...together because I wanted to prove every one wrong, that my Kisame is not useless" _...my Kisame..._ whispered words soothed, making everything a blur.

Everything, except him. His kiss, that touch, those eyes, a streamlined body now pressing it's self into me. Hands placed firmly on my side. Everything seemed unreal. What's happening? Itachi's actions change so quickly. "would you ever have sex with me?" what?! how can I answer something like that! "answer my question" "it's hard to answer one like that...you'll think I'm a pervert...but yes i would, of course i would, if i could that is" letting go, red steely orbs glanced around the room, turning his back to me. "I heard enough...get out Kisame...and don't come back"

cold again...why...why does he change so much?...it's like he wants me to come close, needing me for something, then changes instantly and pushes me painfully back, almost demanding to see my hurt and confusion, wondering why...the only thing harsher then that would be those eyes that bleed crimson. "...forgive me...Itachi...for whatever I did wrong", leaving his presence, a single word stuck in my mind...why...

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**well that's it! end of chapter 3! and i'm thinking about re-naming the story what do you think? THANKS FOR READING! please review! **

**thanks see1like and KHneko! you two helped me sort this chapter out!**


	4. new beginning

**finally chapter 4 is here!** **thanks to Skeeterpillar I finally got round to getting this chapter fully typed up lol, so a big thanks to you Skeeterpillar hope this chapter was worth the wait!.**

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What did I do?...what did I do that made Itachi snap back like that?...he doesn't want to see me..._get out Kisame and don't come back_...those were the last words said to me by that ruthless raven...as much as it hurts...as much as I loath realizing it...he...I'm...hated by Itachi...he must...really...hate...me..."...sa...Ki...Kisa?!" Dei dashed to me and my place on the cold wood, in a space i isolated myself into, staring blankly at something that seemed to be beyond the ceiling. "Kisa!...what are you doing on the floor?!...I thought you were hurt!...how dare you scare me like that!"

crashing to his knees, a hand grasped the cloth around my neck pulling angrily at it, demanding to be eye level with the slightly irritating blonde. With a sigh, an aching chest gave in to the wanting fingers, slowly forcing upwards until at last I sat facing enraged blue eyes. "...Don't...Dei please...I'm in a lot of pain...Itachi...he...I think...I'm hated by him" "It's about time you realized that Uchiha hates you!...that selfish prick hates every one and everything...to be honest I think he's dead inside...he has to be...Uchiha has nothing human about him!...and remember just a few hours ago he tried to kill me!...look at this mess on my neck!"

sighing, blonde lace pass my face, lips brushing againest mine "I love you Kisame...I just wish you'd realize that" "...Dei...dara...I'm..." -pop- a hand slips under black fabric -pop- gliding lower, another button becomes undone -pop- spilt apart cold air touched new territory left behind by parted material, of my plain criminal coat, marked by famous red clouds. "Forget everything but me Kisa...forget everything...but...me..." icy fingers lifted up the remaining lose cloth of the shirt, that used to hide behind fabric of black, red and white. Midnight painted nails, almost painfully ghosting over skin, made to shiver at the cold contact. His hands trying to trace upon my skin, but i stopped that. Not allowing him to do this...not...now...not ever is Deidara allowed to touch me in that loving, intimate way...not...now...not...ever!...he will never be Itachi!.

"...please...stop...pushing me away Kisame!...do you have any idea how much it hurts!...my heart aches so much, I can't fuckin' stand it any more!" -What?- rage lit Deidara's eye on fire, with a strong hurricane mix of emotions, whirling around in it's glaring stare. -what...what I've been doing...to...this artist...is exactly what Itachi does to me, without realizing it, I've been mimicking the ravens actions...causing pain towards Deidara but acting like nothing has or is happening to him...I've...I must be blind...or just plain stupid not have noticed this sooner...they're right...everyone is right...I'm useless...

"show me you care...even if it's just using me...take me...please...I need to know I exist in you're eyes...I need to know...you...care..." he begged as his ocean began to cry. "stop it...stop taking like a whore Deidara...you have such a beautiful face, don't spoil it with filthy words" soft sadness shimmered in his eyes "I'm sorry Dei...I care...I really do!...that's why I won't use you...I could never treat you like a common slut...but...I would always treat you like my lover instead..." a smile touched his lips, one of gentle nature, soft yet uncertain. "...does that mean?..." "...yeah...it means just that...darling..." "Kisa!" pure, joy filled delight radiated from him, pulling me swiftly into a tight embrace "Kisa...baby...I'm...so...happy!...thank you!...thank you so much!" folding arms around him, Dei just held on tighter.

"no-one is allowed to know to about us Deidara...other wise they might try and stick their noses where they don't belong" i lied...truth is i don't want Itachi to know...other wise I'd end up seeing Tsukuyomi from the inside...that's something that isn't on my to do list...definitely not on my to do list! "of course anything for you!"...his sweetness lightened my mood some how, but only slightly. "Dei...could you...would you mind if I had a few hours sleep...I'm quite tired" -yeah, tired of being stuck in the middle- "why would i mind?!, honestly darling sometimes you're a bit to formal!...but it's very cute!" within moments we're on our feet, holding gently onto the other. "I love you Kisame...so much..." "...yeah...love you too...Deidara..."

Hollow, Empty...worthless...that's what those words were when Deidara's name followed. To be honest I wanted to say Itachi...almost did!...I wanted that...stuck up brat in this blonde's place...even though every word spoken from the raven's mouth is fake. Crimson scarlet holds some truth while smearing it with pain, sorrow and blood. Itachi is a poison, yet somehow I loved that pride filled boy...he who causes much grief and agony within my heart...suffocating all life out of it...If...Deidara could heal wounds made by that Uchiha, then it really would...truly be a miracle...but I don't want that to happen. Feeling the pain in my chest makes me know at least I exist in Itachi's eyes. Even, if it's just a little bit.

Deidara left after that, he'd been ordered out to do something minor and he was wasn't happy about that at all. but everyone had their slice of something trivial to do...including my nightmare and me...this isn't going to end well...not when Itachi doesn't even want to look at me...as for getting a job done together...well...that just isn't going to happen, now is it?...he's too stubborn to apologize...I already had...so all I could possibly do, would be keep quiet and hope we can sort this out...somehow. Looking closer, Itachi seemed to be on edge, but quite a space case as well. Clearly thinking about, something important. Normally I'd ask if everything's alright...yet...not now. I couldn't careless about what's flashing through that thick skull.

The silence began to eat at my last nerve...Itachi isn't a talkative guy, yeah I know that!...but this is beyond ridiculous...I want to talk!...to fix things!...mend that's been broken...that's if it ever excited in the first place...we didn't...haven't shared anything that symbolized anything between us...what's not real can't possibly be repaired...I'd like things to be normal...that's all...but in Akatsuki...nothing is normal.

"...Kisame..." Itachi's voice seemed to squeak ever so slightly, like he wanted my attention but seemed too shy to talk or just can't be bothered to speak to me. That's not the Uchiha I know...and...lov-..."what do you want Itachi?" his name felt like poison, a strong bitter...unwanted...taste. Something has clearly changed "...I apologize Kisame" -it's a little bit late for that brat!- "well that took a lot to do but in the end it was wasted effort!...why?...why shallow your pride to apologize for something I was in the wrong for!...whatever I did was a mistake and I take full responsibility for it!" "You're angry with me...aren't you?" stopping our flight back from our pointless little errand, I turned away, unable to set a glance on the raven of my misery.

"Angry?...no...I'm not angry...not at all...I'm just sick of you treating me like a rag doll!...toying with me like I'm some play thing you toss away when you're bored!...I'm human!...just like you...just like Deidara and just like Sasuke!...it's be nice if you started treating me like, the person I am and not something you find funny to torture, if hurting people is a game to you, then play those stupid mind games on that little bratty brother of yours!...just...leave me well enough alone...please...I just can't stand it any longer...it hurts...too much..." from rage, I said everything I've felt in weeks of pain, worry, misery and agony...all of what I said was true and glad to have it said out in the open...but including Sasuke went, way too far.

"I just want to know where I stand with you...Itachi...I love you...I really do...but if my feelings aren't returned then tell me, it'll hurt a lot less then how you've been treating me lately" "could we talk about this later?...at the moment-" "whatever!...just go back first...I'd like to be alone for a while" without another word he was gone. the air seemed to lighten, everything now felt a lot less serious and strained...I'd finally done it...maybe...just maybe...something will change between Itachi and me...if not...that will only spell the end before anything, even started yet somehow...it doesn't even matter any more.

Walking back slowly, with one weak stride after another, as well as having nothing on my mind. Itachi seemed concerned. Deidara must be worried. None of that mattered. The raven was away and blonde nowhere to be seen. Everything now, being all alone, became a lot less...complicated. I...I'm intoxicated by a wingless raven with blood red eyes. That's why and how my problems started. Deidara loves me...he just makes everything a whole lot worse. Deidara cares. Itachi cares for himself. The blonde is too forceful to get my attention. While the raven, is too distant. I just can't win.

"There you are Kisame...I was beginning to wonder when you would return...not that it matters to me" I opened my door, as soon as darkness flooded everything, that dreaded voice bled through me. Sitting in a corner with evil eyes staring blankly, he waited. "what you said to me went way too far...including...Sasuke...in something that's between us was more nasty then, I bet you can imagine, yet-" those orbs shifted slightly, glaring their full dominating stare right into my eyes, demanding to chip away at everything there is about me. "Even though that brat is dead to me, don't include him in things that don't concern him or other people, do I make myself clear?" "...perfectly...and I'm sorry" he stands, that dangerous presence filling the room "now that's settled...there's things I think you should know and we will be able to move on, once everything is out in the open"

"Itachi...I just want to know how you feel that's all...then the rest may not even matter" "you should know my feelings by now...I said them before my neck got branded with that love bite you gave me" his eyes saddened into black, as the air felt heavy, filling my hurting lungs while words escaped dwindling thoughts...he's doing this...Itachi...has always been a master at making people feel small and weak with that cursed sharingan "...I do love you Kisame...it's just...difficult for me" "how's it difficult?" I tried asking softly...however...didn't turn out as feather light as it should of been. "...before that night I slaughtered my clan...I had a lover...and we parted on very bitter terms..." the pain is clear as glass...he isn't heartless after all...yet I must be, for making him say things, he doesn't want to...there's a reason Itachi doesn't talk about before we met, this must be why...he wanted to keep everything a secret...I'm such an idiot...

"And by bitter terms, you mean?" "They died the same night everyone else did, I was sick of my pathetic family and I killed everyone, including that lover of mine" his voice softened, things seem to be getting easier for him. Walking closer Itachi's eyes remained gently glued to me "I can't get close to you Kisame...I want to..It's just...I don't want to kill you like I did with the other one" "...I won't be killed that easily...unless you wanted me to..." "there's more, but sit down for this one...things get worse" taking a seat next to him, a hand gribbed mine, sewing our fingers together "shortly after leaving that boring shit hole...something happened..." dropping his gaze, black lace covered that saddened expression while fingers held on tighter "...what happened was-" "hey Uchiha! Leader wants a report! And do you know if Kisame's back yet?!"

Deidara's voice eroded through the door. a invisible mist suffocated our air, an immense feeling of an intense desire to slaughter, Itachi wanted Dei dead, It was clearly testable. feeling just like a heavy poisonous gas, I got to stop this blood lust, other wise a certain artist will be requiring a funeral "I'll...just...leave Deidara to me" dashing to that entrance, a huge smile graced that idiotic artists face "Kisa!" lowering my voice, I grabbed his arm, turning away from this deadly room and it's rather pissed off owner "lets go, otherwise you'll end up dead...I stopped Itachi from killing you once, I can't do that same miracle twice"

Almost forcefully, I dragged him away, determined to get as much distance as possible, between us and...My raven...that brat Sasuke gets called foolish, yet compared to the idiotic existence that is me...He's done nothing to be called a fool. Finally soft, breathable air inhabited my aching lungs, now things became calm...Deidara's safe...for now at least. "That was close...Dei...Do you have any idea how lucky you are?! Itachi could of killed you and I wouldn't of been able to stop him! please be more careful next time...honestly, if I wasn't talking to him...wait...I don't want to think about it" "...I'm sorry Kisa...I'll be more careful..." his voice broke slightly while a tear disappeared behind a black painted nail.

"...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to yell at you, I've just...had a bit of a shitty day today...please don't cry...how about you show me some of your art? I haven't had the chance to see it properly yet" "really?...you wanna see?" going against a terrible mood, because of a irritating day, I managed to smiled for him, stroking away another tear, he looked watery and wondered eyed at me "yes, I'd love to see your art so...cheer up for me Dei...please" "...ok...well lets go then!"

two and a hours spent watching, Deidara grin like a child while happy showing off his wonderful artwork...it was fun but...not what I wanted to do, I couldn't stop thinking about Itachi, how his eyes seemed blank, that vacant expression, how he tried to explain everything...I'm never bringing it up again...My raven hurt to much...what have I done to him? a thought crossed my mind while thinking of Itachi...maybe...just maybe...I was the one causing the raven's unusual mood changes...Deidara strongly flirts, with me, way too much...could that be the reason, I'm being pushed away by that devilish, wingless raven?...I might be coming onto strong for Itachi...I'll just have to apologize to him, hopefully that will fix our chaos.

"We should spent more time together Kisa! Today was so much fun! So, did you like my art?" snapping out of blank mode, Deidara's puzzled face fell close to mine. "Kisa? Are you thinking about something? What's on your mind darling?" "...I'll try to spend more time with you...but as things are at the moment, it can't be much" "any is better then none at all!...Kisa...darling there's something I'd like to ask...but...I'm not sure how to" worry fogged his sea of blue, before turning away slightly, running fingers through a field of gold, keeping it out of his watering eye "Kisa...do you...love me?...or does your feeling stay on Uchiha?...I want to know the truth Kisame...please...you owe me that much" -crap, this is going to be difficult to handle...

...but to be perfectly honest to myself...I haven't got a clue anymore...Itachi...Deidara...they both share what's left of me...at first that bubbly blonde was nothing more then a friend, a very close, caring friend. Itachi was the one I wanted, but now after being hurt by midnight black and healed by sunlight, I've also fallen for the one who's eyes shine like a perfectly clear blue ocean. That once thick line between them has blurred...Itachi a murderous raven...Deidara one as warm as sunshine...one or the other...either way, I'm going to get killed...I'm sorry both of you...this shouldn't have happened to us...

"...Kisa?" "...both...it's both of you...that's the answer...I give you Dei" "really?!...that's great news!...brilliant news indeed!...so I haven't lost yet!...I haven't lost yet!...he loses!...he loses!...I win! I win!" the biggest grin possible lit Deidara's face, up like fireworks, tears flowing from a shining blue jewel. "I'm so happy! So, so very happy!" more like so, so very weird, but at least he's not angry or upset...that's one thing to be grateful for at least "...oops! All of today's fun has made me hungry! let's go back! I'm starving!" gentle laughter filled our atmosphere "alright Dei...whatever you want"

It's fun, having that happy artist around but peace at least!. When we got back Sasori stole Deidara away on a mission, I got bored but grateful. Finally time with Itachi...maybe...hopefully...he's not in his room...how unusual...normally he's here...if not here...then there's only one more place left to look.

"Found you Itachi...hey! Are you bleeding?! What happened?!" rushing over to my wounded raven, who sat clinging to his injured left arm. "...I got into a fight...that's all..." "A fight?, But that's not like you...who with? What for?" "...we both were in foul moods...me and leader...and ended up in a bit of a fist fight" what?! Why him?! "I thought you were smarter then that...of all people why him?...I guess there's no point in worrying about it now, let me sort this bleeding out" "I wasn't looking for an argument...one thing lead to another and next thing I know I'm bleeding" reaching under my bed, fingers grasped that plastic box, removing it from it's keep safe spot "we might have to get Kakuzu to sew that up" "...yeah...maybe..."

Quickly opening up the white plastic box, I grabbed fabric bandages and cotton like towels, anything to, clean up that mess. And liquid, just to make sure no dirt got in to the wound. "...could you take your coat off please". Standing Itachi's arm seemed to hang lifelessly, over then the drops of blood, falling from his crimson stained fingers. "Need any help?" "No, I can take it off myself" he snapped, as the damaged fabric fell from his tense shoulders. Reviling a rather baggy, navy shirt. Couldn't see much but he still looked captivating, even with a reddened arm. "Stop staring Kisame, its annoying"

Quickly looking down to focus on that injury, I hoped it was nothing to worry about, but with the amount of blood, it didn't look promising. "sorry...you should sit down, other wise you might get dizzy" he sat back down on his bed, making sure to leave me room to sit on the floor. "Itachi...are you alright? Something seems to be bothering you" no answer came, his eyes hollowed out, leaving a dull grey, in place of that normally vibrant black, which he rarely showed. But he managed to stay perfectly still as I cleaned his wounded wing.

Briefly my eyes drifted upwards, easily noticing some black under his shirt sleeve. "is...that a tattoo?" a slow blink caused slight life to return, looking over, almost dying eyes glanced at my worried expression, before looking at his arm, deciding to cover what I believed to be a tattoo with his unstained hand. "Yeah...all Konoha anbu get branded with it...even at 13, I wasn't an exception" "looks rather sexy to be honest" "shut it pervert"

We remained silent after that. I washed away his blood and dark grey like eyes watched. Once the blood got cleaned up, the wound showed itself. Just above his elbow, a long thick slice separated the skin roughly. The flesh dyed scarlet as more crimson liquid continued to flow down that numb looking limb. Luckily that rather deep scratch hadn't damaged any veins, just torn up muscle, yet it still proved to be nothing I could fix.

"Before we go to see Kakuzu, there's something I'd to say...today...I'm sorry for being too forward with you, you're defensive because I was coming on too strong, so I'll back off...I'm sorry I didn't realize this sooner" a smile tugged at the corner of his pale looking lips, while warmth began to gently glow in those eyes again. "what we were talking about earlier...forget about telling me...there's things you'd like to keep a secret and I understand that so...it's fine...also...if that's ok with you...I'd like it if we had a fresh start...I now know where I went wrong, so I wont make the same mistake twice"

Turning those shining gem stones, Itachi looked at me, a soft hint of joy written across his face. Such a warm, comforting glance, it seemed so friendly and loving. This gentle expression is something to remember; after all it was a look that is only shown to a certain person. Yet I have a feeling it wasn't for me. "I'd like a fresh start too" the moment seemed to freeze; only him and me existed. He closed the gab between us; his breathe brushing across my skin. "I apologize as well...even though I was being defensive towards you. I was much too nasty about it.

I felt like melting in those soft pitch black eyes, so very gentle and kind. A side of the Uchiha raven, which I didn't think even existed. Heat bubbled under my cheeks. "We...better get your arm looked at...It's a rather nasty cut" he pulled back, moving that unstained hand down, to place it over his wound. "There's no need, my arm is fine...see?" removing his hand, no injury remained. No blood. No cut. No scar. Nothing, but beautiful pale skin.

"What?...but I thought..." "You were simply caught in my genjutsu, I created it so we could talk" staring blankly at clean hands...no blood...even the cotton used to wipe away the scarlet was pure white like snow. "...genjutsu? why?...when did you?" "As soon as you walked into the room...and I thought, you'd talk to me if I was injured...I wanted to talk things over" a smile graced my face, taking his hand in mine, I felt happy...confused but happy.

"All that trouble just for me, it makes me happy but next time, just ask if you wanna talk, I'd never turn you away Itachi". "Alright" pulling his hand to my face, placing a gentle 'I love you' kiss on that soft, almost feminine like skin. "Kisame, could you spend some time with me?" "I'd love too"

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**and that's it! i hope it was worth the wait, so thanks for reading! I have part of chapter 5 writen down so I'll get it sorted out as soon as I can! xD**


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